Exit 51
27 April 2009, 4:24 p.m.
48° 55' 54.70" N, 8° 21' 34.13" E
“Watch for Exit 51, Baden-Baden,” I say to Lambert. “We’re going to take B500 toward Iffezheim slash Paris.”
“Paris?” says Lambert. “But Paris and Baden-Baden are in opposite directions... ”
This is ridiculous. Here we are, barreling down the A5 autobahn at 130 k, and I’m trying to teach a medieval monk how to use a GPS unit—while I’m driving. While I’m the one who’s... driving. I’m tempted to add another -ing word, but I refrain.
“No,” I say. “Exit 51 is near Baden-Baden, all the signs will say Baden-Baden, but the sign we’re looking for says Paris slash Iffezheim. Or Iffezheim slash Paris.”
“Hmm,” says Lambert skeptically, leaning toward the dashboard to study the unit.
I know what he’s gonna say next. He’s gonna say that we aren’t going to either Iffezheim or Paris, so before he gets a chance I tell him:
“We’ll go right past Iffezheim, and we won’t get anywhere near Paris, but that’s the sign we’re looking for.”
“No need to condescend,” says Lambert. “Exit 51. It’s the quickest way to Strasbourg. I get it.”
“Right,” I say. “Sorry.”
I drive for a while in silence. The noise of the autobahn no longer puts me to sleep—it’s a different sound now. It’s like I can hear the land beneath us moaning.
I glance in the mirror—Bruno is staring out the window, Bertha seems to be looking at her phone, and what’s Conrad doing? Is that a PSP?
No one but me seems to hear the earth complaining, clay and sand, roots and rocks writhing under the concrete bonds.
Next episode: The Eponymous Jonny Grind
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